Stay Sane Tips for the Valentine Season –February 13, 2007

TIPS FOR CELEBRATING THE VALENTINE SEASON WHEN YOU HAVE RECENTLY GONE THROUGH A DIVORCE

This valentine season, millions of ‘love’ notes are being shared by people all over the world. There are ‘love’ decors everywhere and ‘love’ themes in the air. Some people install love rings on their cell phones; download free love songs and movies on their mp3 players. The whole world is going ‘love crazy’.

All these gadgets and events are ways in which people celebrate how they were captivated by the love of someone special. The ‘un-engaged’ on the other hand use the time to dream, imagine, and wish for a love of their life to show up somehow miraculously.

Grown-ups and younger folks play games and go to all length in a bid to ‘win someone’s heart’ for the first time or over again. We all crave for love; have the need to be appreciated, a need to be held in a place of unique ranking in someone’s heart. That is just the way we are designed.

However, you may be facing a challenging period in your life when all these romantic themes and decors seem to be a ‘distraction’ or something you would rather not think about.

It could be that you have recently gone through a divorce and the wounds are still very fresh in your heart. All your hopes of previous years when you met your ex-spouse had been dashed. You may be blaming yourself for the break down in the relationship. On the other hand, if your spouse had left you for another partner, you may be feeling unwanted and dejected. You may be asking ‘What is there to celebrate anyway?’

We recognize the challenges you may be going through during this period. We want to encourage you not to give up. Romantic themes can actually help heal your heart and ease the pain you are going through. Here are some tips and suggestions for spending your valentine season during this transition period of your life.

TIPS:


1. Release yourself from the hurt of the past. You need to forgive your ex-spouse. Make a deliberate decision NOT to take the hurts of the past as a ‘sacred’ thing. For healing to take place, you need to let go of them.


2. Acknowledge once again that love is a much needed part of your life. Yes, you have always known this, but taking time to recognize it in a new way is always a good start for the season. Do not try and shut people out of your life especially during this season


3. Try something different this valentine season. If you have children living with you, use this valentine period to re-assure them about your love for them.


4. Find other creative ways of spending the Valentine season. Try not to be alone especially during the first Valentine’s Day after your divorce. Here are some suggestions:

a. Attend a valentine party in a community setting. Share your memories with others.


b. You may even try something bold. Invite other friends who have been through a divorce to a valentine party.


5. Find some support in your community. Join groups of other people in your situation. Sharing your stories in such a setting will give you re-assurance that you are not alone in your struggles

6. This valentine season could actually become a season of healing for you. You need to play a part in this. You need to allow yourself to be loved again. Love is a reciprocal thing. To get love, give some away.