Imagine having a chicken dinner on Thanksgiving!
What would Thanksgiving be without the turkey and the trimmings? To many people, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving. Ironically, we eat more chicken than turkey on a year-round basis. However, we have grown accustomed to eating turkey on Thanksgiving Day. Having a chicken dinner would be a big change that few people would accept.
It has to do with our perception. Humans are creatures of habit. We like stability and dislike change.
While it's unlikely that people will switch from turkey to chicken on Thanksgiving, it is definite that people will go through many major life transitions like divorce at some point or another. Many people struggle through changes because of the insecurity and uncertainty that a major life transition brings.
If you're dealing with a divorce, Thanksgiving can be a heart-wrenching time. Where last year you were still a family, this year that stability has been ripped to shreds and you're trying to sew the pieces back together. Here are a few ways that you can stay sane through the Thanksgiving holidays.
Dealing with divorce: Coping with the nostalgia
The first Thanksgiving after a divorce will be fraught with poignant memories of previous Thanksgivings and the traditions you shared. Expect to feel sad. The contrast between how you felt in previous years and how you feel this year will make it even more painful.
Take this year to make new traditions. If you always spent Thanksgiving with your spouse’s family, go visit yours this year. Consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, or having a Thanksgiving dinner with your friends. When you're dealing with divorce, don't put all your focus on how things were. Think about how things could be now, and take steps to make them that way.
Dealing with divorce: Talk to supportive friends and family
Don't worry about being a Debbie Downer. Now, that doesn't mean you should spend the whole holiday weekend moping around and waxing eloquent about how horrible dealing with divorce is. It just means that you shouldn't try to plaster on a happy face and keep it there, even when you're in pain inside.
If you need to vent or need a shoulder to cry on, grab a friend or family member that you trust and let it out. Otherwise, do your best to strive for a good holiday atmosphere, free from bitterness. The fact that you're around supportive friends and family alone should show you that it's not the end of the world.
Just don't make Thanksgiving itself your rant day. Try to talk to somebody beforehand and keep the negative thoughts and energy of dealing with divorce away from Thanksgiving. Otherwise, you're going to make the holiday itself more rotten for you and bring it down for your friends and family.
Dealing with divorce: Be flexible with the scheduling
If you have children, then you'll do something you haven't had to do before: figure out which parent they'll spend Thanksgiving with. It may be hard to arrange transportation and scheduling with your ex, but try to be civil and flexible when you do. Part of dealing with divorce is not letting bitterness color the holiday for you or your children. It's not going to do anybody any good for you to get angry because your ex couldn't pick up the kids until 7 p.m. when he was supposed to be there an hour earlier.
Most importantly, don't speak ill of your ex to your kids or complain about having to "share" them for the holidays. If your children are old enough to make decisions about where to go for the holidays, chances are they already feel guilty about not being able to see both of you on Thanksgiving. Complaining will make it worse, and may actually make them resent you. Plus, even though your marriage didn't work out, your kids still need their other parent and should be made to feel special.
Dealing with divorce: List what you are thankful for
As you're dealing with a life transition like divorce, you may very well be thinking about nothing else. And who could blame you? Everything in your life has been turned upside-down by that one action. However, the very definition of Thanksgiving is "giving thanks."
Take some time this Thanksgiving to sit down and write out what you are thankful for. Make it serious; "I am thankful for my health and that of my family." Make it silly: "I am thankful that gas went down five cents before my holiday trip." Just take the time to see what you have to be thankful for. The list is probably longer than you'd expect, and by seeing everything that you do have in your life, you'll have better perspective for this holiday and the future.
Life transitions are never easy, and there may well be days where all you want to do is find a time machine and put everything back to the way it was before you had to deal with the divorce. But by taking little steps at a time, you'll be able to adapt. The holidays will never be like you remembered them, but with a little patience, understanding and flexibility, you can make your first Thanksgiving after a divorce a hopeful, if poignant, one.
Dave Webster & Tolu Adeleye are partners of Contemporary Lifestyle Consulting Inc. and the co-authors of "Stay Sane Through Change: How To Rise Above The Challenges Of Life’s Complex Transitions." Don't spend another minute floundering in stasis. Visit http://www.staysanethroughchange.com/book.php today to get a 10 percent discount on the audio book.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Divorce Support: Recovering Your Personal Identity during Life Transitions
The only things certain in life are death and taxes, as the saying goes. For everything else, change is constant. And unfortunately, a life transition like a divorce can leave you reeling. Not only have you lost the person you loved the most and the family you made together, but you've also lost the identity you've built up during the marriage, whether it lasted one year or 20.
You're no longer "Bob's wife" or "Laura's husband." You're the ex, the only single person amongst married couples. If you're like many people, you may have defined yourself in conjunction with your marriage, and now that that's gone, that identity is lost as well.
That isn't true. You were a whole person before you married, and that didn't change just because you tied the knot. Right now you might be hard-pressed to identify anything positive about this life transition. But just like a phoenix rises from its own ashes to new life, time and again, so too can you rise from the ashes of a divorce as a new person.
Divorce Support: Take the time to mourn
Any time there's a major life transition, be it death, divorce or even a career, it's perfectly normal and even healthy to mourn what you have lost. It was an important part of your life, and you will miss it. Mourn however you need to. Cry whenever you feel like it. Talk to your supportive friends and family. Go for long walks.
But remember: you can't stay in a state of mourning forever. Acknowledge your past life, and even remember it fondly, but at some point you do need to move on.
Divorce Support: Accepting change
Right after your divorce, you may have noticed that no matter how much you wished it wouldn't, the sun still rose every morning. The world didn't stop just because your life turned upside down. You have to accept that change and move on with your new identity. You have to leave the past behind and move on.
Even though you're probably feeling adrift in the sea of a major life transition, know that feeling won't last forever. Like all things, it will come to an end.
Divorce Support: Look to yourself
You may have spent so much time defining yourself by your marriage that you forgot what mattered to you as a person. Now take the time to look at yourself, and consider your old interests, and maybe even discover new ones. What do you like to do? What have you always wanted to try? Take this opportunity to step out a little bit at a time. You may be surprised about what you find during this life transition.
One woman never had a bank account or managed household finances for the entirety of her 18-year marriage. Four years after her divorce, she was running a thriving business. Another man, after trying to commit suicide when his marriage was falling apart, later teamed up with a good friend to start a charity to provide divorce support to others going through major life transitions.
Have you wanted to learn to ski? How about learning cooking or sign language? Maybe you've wanted to travel to Peru and see Macchu Picchu. If there's something you really want to try, now is the time to do it.
Divorce Support: Moving to new relationships
Now that you've been through a divorce, you'll see all relationships in a new light. Look back at your marriage and see what went right and what went wrong. If you and your spouse had communication problems, then you'll know to look for people who are good at expressing themselves.
Don't feel like you have to rush into another serious, committed relationship. Some people move on faster than others, and this is a major life transition you are dealing with. If you're just looking for a relationship because you're lonely or miss intimacy, wait. Take this time to rebuild yourself, so if or when you are ready for a new relationship, you'll have a whole person to offer to your significant other.
Divorce Support: Know yourself
In her article “Discovering Your Single Identity,”Christina Basciano wrote, "The key to transforming pain into self-knowledge is to learn to accept that the purpose of life was not generated by the partnership but that the partnership played a role in life's purpose."
Don't view your divorce as a failure, but as the closing of a chapter in your life. Now the page has turned, and it's up to you to write the next words.
Dave Webster & Tolu Adeleye are partners of Contemporary Lifestyle Consulting Inc. and the co-authors of "Stay Sane Through Change: How To Rise Above The Challenges Of Life’s Complex Transitions." Don't spend another minute floundering in stasis. Visit http://www.staysanethroughchange.com/book.phptoday to get a 10 percent discount on the audio book.
You're no longer "Bob's wife" or "Laura's husband." You're the ex, the only single person amongst married couples. If you're like many people, you may have defined yourself in conjunction with your marriage, and now that that's gone, that identity is lost as well.
That isn't true. You were a whole person before you married, and that didn't change just because you tied the knot. Right now you might be hard-pressed to identify anything positive about this life transition. But just like a phoenix rises from its own ashes to new life, time and again, so too can you rise from the ashes of a divorce as a new person.
Divorce Support: Take the time to mourn
Any time there's a major life transition, be it death, divorce or even a career, it's perfectly normal and even healthy to mourn what you have lost. It was an important part of your life, and you will miss it. Mourn however you need to. Cry whenever you feel like it. Talk to your supportive friends and family. Go for long walks.
But remember: you can't stay in a state of mourning forever. Acknowledge your past life, and even remember it fondly, but at some point you do need to move on.
Divorce Support: Accepting change
Right after your divorce, you may have noticed that no matter how much you wished it wouldn't, the sun still rose every morning. The world didn't stop just because your life turned upside down. You have to accept that change and move on with your new identity. You have to leave the past behind and move on.
Even though you're probably feeling adrift in the sea of a major life transition, know that feeling won't last forever. Like all things, it will come to an end.
Divorce Support: Look to yourself
You may have spent so much time defining yourself by your marriage that you forgot what mattered to you as a person. Now take the time to look at yourself, and consider your old interests, and maybe even discover new ones. What do you like to do? What have you always wanted to try? Take this opportunity to step out a little bit at a time. You may be surprised about what you find during this life transition.
One woman never had a bank account or managed household finances for the entirety of her 18-year marriage. Four years after her divorce, she was running a thriving business. Another man, after trying to commit suicide when his marriage was falling apart, later teamed up with a good friend to start a charity to provide divorce support to others going through major life transitions.
Have you wanted to learn to ski? How about learning cooking or sign language? Maybe you've wanted to travel to Peru and see Macchu Picchu. If there's something you really want to try, now is the time to do it.
Divorce Support: Moving to new relationships
Now that you've been through a divorce, you'll see all relationships in a new light. Look back at your marriage and see what went right and what went wrong. If you and your spouse had communication problems, then you'll know to look for people who are good at expressing themselves.
Don't feel like you have to rush into another serious, committed relationship. Some people move on faster than others, and this is a major life transition you are dealing with. If you're just looking for a relationship because you're lonely or miss intimacy, wait. Take this time to rebuild yourself, so if or when you are ready for a new relationship, you'll have a whole person to offer to your significant other.
Divorce Support: Know yourself
In her article “Discovering Your Single Identity,”Christina Basciano wrote, "The key to transforming pain into self-knowledge is to learn to accept that the purpose of life was not generated by the partnership but that the partnership played a role in life's purpose."
Don't view your divorce as a failure, but as the closing of a chapter in your life. Now the page has turned, and it's up to you to write the next words.
Dave Webster & Tolu Adeleye are partners of Contemporary Lifestyle Consulting Inc. and the co-authors of "Stay Sane Through Change: How To Rise Above The Challenges Of Life’s Complex Transitions." Don't spend another minute floundering in stasis. Visit http://www.staysanethroughchange.com/book.phptoday to get a 10 percent discount on the audio book.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Divorce Support While Your Children Are in School
A number of things can shake up a person's life, but divorce is definitely one of the biggest. Whether you initiated it or not, dealing with the aftermath takes a great deal of emotional fortitude.
Most people start to identify themselves in conjunction with their spouse, especially after several years of marriage. Having that identity wrested away in a divorce is a soul-shaking and world-shattering event. There is no more "family" the way you previously defined it, and it's something that affects both you and your children.
It takes a great deal of time, strength and support to come to terms with a new identity. That's made even more difficult with all the constant reminders of all the "couples" things that you used to do, especially with the start of a new school year.
How are you going to deal with the "couple" things that you'll now have to do alone, like attending school functions? How about coping with seeing your ex-spouse there with a new significant other?
It's important to learn to accept and move on, but here are a few divorce support tips for staying sane in the present.
Divorce support tip #1: List your fears
Even if you're not an anxious person by nature, divorce can have a major effect on that. Maybe you're worried about seeing your ex with his or her new interest. Maybe you're worried about attending all those school functions -- parents' night, plays, concerts, what have you -- by yourself, when everybody else will be with a spouse. Maybe you have other fears.
Whatever the case, you can't face your fears if you don't name them. Make a list of the things you fear, or that worry and concern you, about facing the new school year as a single parent. Acknowledging your fears is the first step to facing and eliminating them.
Divorce support tip #2: Accept your limitations
You aren't Superman (or Wonder Woman). No matter how much you may want to, there will be times when you just won't be able to do everything. It's okay if you scrap a home-cooked meal in favor of frozen food or dinner out so that you can make it to functions on time, or if you get a store-bought costume for the school play instead of making it yourself. You are only one person.
Divorce support tip #3: Keep the peace
As emotionally trying as it would be to see your ex at school functions, it's vital to maintain a peaceful relationship for the sake of your children. Kids are brilliant at picking up on tension, and they're probably more worried than you are that there will be a humiliating scene at their school play.
If at all possible, keep your post-divorce relationship with your ex friendly. If you can't manage friendly, at least manage civil. And don't speak ill of your ex to your children. Tempting as it may be to list what you view as a litany of faults, it will only serve to damage your ex's relationship with your kids, and possibly yours as well. If you need to vent, do it to a supportive friend or relative.
Divorce support tip #4: This, too, shall pass
Above all, know that everything you feel – the fears, the worries, the grief and the transitional feeling – is not permanent. The present stage of your life will pass, and you will move on to the next. With each passing day, coping will get a little easier. The good things in life may not last forever, but then again, neither do the bad things.
Divorce brings lots of changes to your life, but you don't have to let those changes destroy your sanity. The back-to-school season is stressful enough without adding a new list of worries to it. Take a deep breath and take it one day at a time, and eventually things will get better.
Dave Webster & Tolu Adeleye are partners of Contemporary Lifestyle Consulting Inc. and the co-authors of "Stay Sane Through Change: How To Rise Above The Challenges Of Life’s Complex Transitions." Don't spend another minute floundering in stasis. Visit http://www.staysanethroughchange.com today to get a 10 percent discount on the audio book.
Most people start to identify themselves in conjunction with their spouse, especially after several years of marriage. Having that identity wrested away in a divorce is a soul-shaking and world-shattering event. There is no more "family" the way you previously defined it, and it's something that affects both you and your children.
It takes a great deal of time, strength and support to come to terms with a new identity. That's made even more difficult with all the constant reminders of all the "couples" things that you used to do, especially with the start of a new school year.
How are you going to deal with the "couple" things that you'll now have to do alone, like attending school functions? How about coping with seeing your ex-spouse there with a new significant other?
It's important to learn to accept and move on, but here are a few divorce support tips for staying sane in the present.
Divorce support tip #1: List your fears
Even if you're not an anxious person by nature, divorce can have a major effect on that. Maybe you're worried about seeing your ex with his or her new interest. Maybe you're worried about attending all those school functions -- parents' night, plays, concerts, what have you -- by yourself, when everybody else will be with a spouse. Maybe you have other fears.
Whatever the case, you can't face your fears if you don't name them. Make a list of the things you fear, or that worry and concern you, about facing the new school year as a single parent. Acknowledging your fears is the first step to facing and eliminating them.
Divorce support tip #2: Accept your limitations
You aren't Superman (or Wonder Woman). No matter how much you may want to, there will be times when you just won't be able to do everything. It's okay if you scrap a home-cooked meal in favor of frozen food or dinner out so that you can make it to functions on time, or if you get a store-bought costume for the school play instead of making it yourself. You are only one person.
Divorce support tip #3: Keep the peace
As emotionally trying as it would be to see your ex at school functions, it's vital to maintain a peaceful relationship for the sake of your children. Kids are brilliant at picking up on tension, and they're probably more worried than you are that there will be a humiliating scene at their school play.
If at all possible, keep your post-divorce relationship with your ex friendly. If you can't manage friendly, at least manage civil. And don't speak ill of your ex to your children. Tempting as it may be to list what you view as a litany of faults, it will only serve to damage your ex's relationship with your kids, and possibly yours as well. If you need to vent, do it to a supportive friend or relative.
Divorce support tip #4: This, too, shall pass
Above all, know that everything you feel – the fears, the worries, the grief and the transitional feeling – is not permanent. The present stage of your life will pass, and you will move on to the next. With each passing day, coping will get a little easier. The good things in life may not last forever, but then again, neither do the bad things.
Divorce brings lots of changes to your life, but you don't have to let those changes destroy your sanity. The back-to-school season is stressful enough without adding a new list of worries to it. Take a deep breath and take it one day at a time, and eventually things will get better.
Dave Webster & Tolu Adeleye are partners of Contemporary Lifestyle Consulting Inc. and the co-authors of "Stay Sane Through Change: How To Rise Above The Challenges Of Life’s Complex Transitions." Don't spend another minute floundering in stasis. Visit http://www.staysanethroughchange.com today to get a 10 percent discount on the audio book.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
In Search of A New Identity?
TAKING ON A NEW IDENTITY AFTER YOUR LOSS
Spring has just sprung upon us and with it some freshness in the air. The daffodils will soon be in bloom and we can savor the beauty of the flowers in our garden that we labour for. It is significant at this time of the year, many of us clean out our homes and surroundings in the traditional ‘spring cleaning’ fashion. Spring is a season for renewal. It is also noteworthy that Easter is celebrated at the beginning of spring. The Easter message is that of hope, life after death; an old thing becoming new. This Easter season we would like to offer you this message of hope in terms of a new identity after your loss.
If you have lost your spouse due to divorce you face a transition period in which your sense of identity is lost. If you lost a loved one to death, you enter a period of deep introspection when you question how you can live your life without that loved one. A significant part of you was lost and you never seem to be whole again. Your sense of identity is lost.
Who am I- the case of a lost identity /sense of identity?
Your loss brought so much devastation to you. For a long time you questioned who you really are. Your spouse left you and the kids to take on a different life. Over the years your family identity had been that of a double parent family with children living in the same house. That was shattered. Your social identity used to be linked to being the spouse of Mr. X. or Mrs. Y. That is no more the situation. In terms of community identity, your interaction with neighbours at home and members of the clubs you belong had changed- you do not seem to be the same person any more.
Your economic identity was based on the class of the income level that your double-income family (or significant single income) had procured. A nice family home with decent amenities, and adequate finances to meet your family needs were all part of the status quo. The status quo is no more a status quo. It had been destroyed.
If you were part of a mixed marriage, you must have taken some time to build up some unique combination of ethnic identity based on a mixture of yours and your former spouse’s. With the divorce or the death of your loved one, this unique ethnic identity was blown apart. A most significant part of your being is your spiritual self- the way you identify yourself with God your creator. Marriage is a spiritual union and as a spouse you might have learnt to see God and relate to Him through and with your former spouse. Your divorce or the death of your spouse involves loss of part of your spiritual self. Your sense of spiritual identity is lost
Discovering a new identity
Easter is a season of new hope. However, new hope is always difficult especially if you cling tenaciously to a former type of life that is no more real. For you to find a new identity or sense of identity, you need to come to terms with the fact that your old way of life is gone- things will never be exactly the same as they were when you had your former spouse.
The hope of Easter is the assurance that despite the fact that things cannot be the same as they used to be, you can actually have brightness in a NEW kind of life. You can discover a new social/community identity as you find new avenues for friendship and companionship. As you seek new ways of nurturing yourself, new opportunities for boosting your self-esteem and new avenues for expressing your self creatively, you can discover a new sense of identity. A new family identity may take a long time to form. However, you need to start seeing yourself in a new way in your different role as a single parent. Joining a faith community will go a long way in helping you discover a new spiritual identity.
Remember that discovery comes when your eyes are open to see them. Keep the eyes of your mind open. Recognize that you can actually come to enjoy a NEW way of life.
Embracing a new identity
For you to develop your new sense of identity, you need to embrace it. That requires spending some time in your newly discovered opportunities. You need to keep on developing those new avenues of friendship. You need to grip onto those new measures that boost your self-esteem. You need to give attention to those community involvements that support you in your role as a single parent. Hold on to your new ways of nurturing yourself. Hug those new opportunities.
Moving on with a new identity
The lesson of Easter is one of life after death. As you embrace your newly discovered identity, keep on walking in it. Allow the growth to take place. Do not stunt it. Enjoy your new sense of identity. The past cannot be re-written. However, you can fill this new slate of life that you have with writings of truly great and memorable things.
As you welcome the freshness in the air this spring season, take time to discover a bright new social, economic and spiritual identity in your circumstances. This Easter season, hold on to the hope of new life after death. Take courage to embrace and move on with your newly discovered identity!!!
For more resources on managing changes in your life ALL YEAR ROUND, please visit
http://www.staysanethroughchange.com/
If you prefer to LISTEN in to practical tips for staying on top of your situation please click here.
Dave Webster and Tolu Adeleye, authors and life-change experts, through their consultancy provide you and your clients with tools for dealing with life transitions. Their areas of expertise include family- and career-related transitions.
To get instant access to such tools, visit http://www.staysanethroughchange.com/
You may reach the authors through info@staysanethroughchange.com
Stay Sane tips for the valentine season after your loss
TIPS FOR CELEBRATING THE VALENTINE SEASON WHEN YOU ARE HURTING EMOTIONALLY
This valentine season, millions of ‘love’ notes are being shared by people all over the world. There are ‘love’ decors everywhere and ‘love’ themes in the air. Some people install love rings on their cell phones; download free love songs and movies on their mp3 players. The whole world is going ‘love crazy’.
All these gadgets and events are ways in which people celebrate how they were captivated by the love of someone special. The ‘un-engaged’ on the other hand use the time to dream, imagine, and wish for a love of their life to show up somehow miraculously.
Grown-ups and younger folks play games and go to all length in a bid to ‘win someone’s heart’ for the first time or over again. We all crave for love; have the need to be appreciated, a need to be held in a place of unique ranking in someone’s heart. That is just the way we are designed.
However, you may be facing a challenging period in your life when all these romantic themes and decors seem to be a ‘distraction’ or something you would rather not think about.
It could be that your sweetheart of many years passed away and the wounds are still very fresh in your heart
It may be that you have had too many ‘crazy’ situations in the last few months. You could have lost something important such as a job. You may be feeling too overwhelmed to ‘think’ about romantic things now.
We recognize the challenges you may be going through during this period. We want to encourage you not to give up. Romantic themes can actually help heal your heart and ease the pain you are going through. Here are some tips and suggestions for spending your valentine season during this transition period of your life.
TIPS:
1. If you lost your romantic partner to death, try something different this valentine season.
Bring out the memories and do something creative with them. Replay the videos that captured your romantic moments. Take time to celebrate the past.
2. Find someone who can help you write a book in special honour of your partner. Write a special poem in their memory. Sing a song. Make a multimedia in their honour.
3. Find other creative ways of spending the Valentine season. Try not to be alone especially during the first Valentine’s Day after your loss.
Here are some suggestions:
a. If your children live nearby, invite them to spend Valentine’s Day with you
b. You may even try something bold. Invite other friends who have lost their partners to a valentine party.
c. Attend a valentine party in a community setting. Share your memories with others.
d. Invite a bunch of kids over and have a celebration with them
4. If you lost something important such as a job, try and use this period as a break. Allow yourself to be loved. Do not keep blaming yourself. This transition phase will not last forever.
5. This valentine season could actually become a season of healing for you. You need to play a part in this. You need to allow yourself to be loved again. Love is a reciprocal thing. To get love, give some away.
This valentine season, millions of ‘love’ notes are being shared by people all over the world. There are ‘love’ decors everywhere and ‘love’ themes in the air. Some people install love rings on their cell phones; download free love songs and movies on their mp3 players. The whole world is going ‘love crazy’.
All these gadgets and events are ways in which people celebrate how they were captivated by the love of someone special. The ‘un-engaged’ on the other hand use the time to dream, imagine, and wish for a love of their life to show up somehow miraculously.
Grown-ups and younger folks play games and go to all length in a bid to ‘win someone’s heart’ for the first time or over again. We all crave for love; have the need to be appreciated, a need to be held in a place of unique ranking in someone’s heart. That is just the way we are designed.
However, you may be facing a challenging period in your life when all these romantic themes and decors seem to be a ‘distraction’ or something you would rather not think about.
It could be that your sweetheart of many years passed away and the wounds are still very fresh in your heart
It may be that you have had too many ‘crazy’ situations in the last few months. You could have lost something important such as a job. You may be feeling too overwhelmed to ‘think’ about romantic things now.
We recognize the challenges you may be going through during this period. We want to encourage you not to give up. Romantic themes can actually help heal your heart and ease the pain you are going through. Here are some tips and suggestions for spending your valentine season during this transition period of your life.
TIPS:
1. If you lost your romantic partner to death, try something different this valentine season.
Bring out the memories and do something creative with them. Replay the videos that captured your romantic moments. Take time to celebrate the past.
2. Find someone who can help you write a book in special honour of your partner. Write a special poem in their memory. Sing a song. Make a multimedia in their honour.
3. Find other creative ways of spending the Valentine season. Try not to be alone especially during the first Valentine’s Day after your loss.
Here are some suggestions:
a. If your children live nearby, invite them to spend Valentine’s Day with you
b. You may even try something bold. Invite other friends who have lost their partners to a valentine party.
c. Attend a valentine party in a community setting. Share your memories with others.
d. Invite a bunch of kids over and have a celebration with them
4. If you lost something important such as a job, try and use this period as a break. Allow yourself to be loved. Do not keep blaming yourself. This transition phase will not last forever.
5. This valentine season could actually become a season of healing for you. You need to play a part in this. You need to allow yourself to be loved again. Love is a reciprocal thing. To get love, give some away.
Stay Sane Tips for the Valentine Season –February 13, 2007
TIPS FOR CELEBRATING THE VALENTINE SEASON WHEN YOU HAVE RECENTLY GONE THROUGH A DIVORCE
This valentine season, millions of ‘love’ notes are being shared by people all over the world. There are ‘love’ decors everywhere and ‘love’ themes in the air. Some people install love rings on their cell phones; download free love songs and movies on their mp3 players. The whole world is going ‘love crazy’.
All these gadgets and events are ways in which people celebrate how they were captivated by the love of someone special. The ‘un-engaged’ on the other hand use the time to dream, imagine, and wish for a love of their life to show up somehow miraculously.
Grown-ups and younger folks play games and go to all length in a bid to ‘win someone’s heart’ for the first time or over again. We all crave for love; have the need to be appreciated, a need to be held in a place of unique ranking in someone’s heart. That is just the way we are designed.
However, you may be facing a challenging period in your life when all these romantic themes and decors seem to be a ‘distraction’ or something you would rather not think about.
It could be that you have recently gone through a divorce and the wounds are still very fresh in your heart. All your hopes of previous years when you met your ex-spouse had been dashed. You may be blaming yourself for the break down in the relationship. On the other hand, if your spouse had left you for another partner, you may be feeling unwanted and dejected. You may be asking ‘What is there to celebrate anyway?’
We recognize the challenges you may be going through during this period. We want to encourage you not to give up. Romantic themes can actually help heal your heart and ease the pain you are going through. Here are some tips and suggestions for spending your valentine season during this transition period of your life.
TIPS:
1. Release yourself from the hurt of the past. You need to forgive your ex-spouse. Make a deliberate decision NOT to take the hurts of the past as a ‘sacred’ thing. For healing to take place, you need to let go of them.
2. Acknowledge once again that love is a much needed part of your life. Yes, you have always known this, but taking time to recognize it in a new way is always a good start for the season. Do not try and shut people out of your life especially during this season
3. Try something different this valentine season. If you have children living with you, use this valentine period to re-assure them about your love for them.
4. Find other creative ways of spending the Valentine season. Try not to be alone especially during the first Valentine’s Day after your divorce. Here are some suggestions:
a. Attend a valentine party in a community setting. Share your memories with others.
b. You may even try something bold. Invite other friends who have been through a divorce to a valentine party.
5. Find some support in your community. Join groups of other people in your situation. Sharing your stories in such a setting will give you re-assurance that you are not alone in your struggles
6. This valentine season could actually become a season of healing for you. You need to play a part in this. You need to allow yourself to be loved again. Love is a reciprocal thing. To get love, give some away.
This valentine season, millions of ‘love’ notes are being shared by people all over the world. There are ‘love’ decors everywhere and ‘love’ themes in the air. Some people install love rings on their cell phones; download free love songs and movies on their mp3 players. The whole world is going ‘love crazy’.
All these gadgets and events are ways in which people celebrate how they were captivated by the love of someone special. The ‘un-engaged’ on the other hand use the time to dream, imagine, and wish for a love of their life to show up somehow miraculously.
Grown-ups and younger folks play games and go to all length in a bid to ‘win someone’s heart’ for the first time or over again. We all crave for love; have the need to be appreciated, a need to be held in a place of unique ranking in someone’s heart. That is just the way we are designed.
However, you may be facing a challenging period in your life when all these romantic themes and decors seem to be a ‘distraction’ or something you would rather not think about.
It could be that you have recently gone through a divorce and the wounds are still very fresh in your heart. All your hopes of previous years when you met your ex-spouse had been dashed. You may be blaming yourself for the break down in the relationship. On the other hand, if your spouse had left you for another partner, you may be feeling unwanted and dejected. You may be asking ‘What is there to celebrate anyway?’
We recognize the challenges you may be going through during this period. We want to encourage you not to give up. Romantic themes can actually help heal your heart and ease the pain you are going through. Here are some tips and suggestions for spending your valentine season during this transition period of your life.
TIPS:
1. Release yourself from the hurt of the past. You need to forgive your ex-spouse. Make a deliberate decision NOT to take the hurts of the past as a ‘sacred’ thing. For healing to take place, you need to let go of them.
2. Acknowledge once again that love is a much needed part of your life. Yes, you have always known this, but taking time to recognize it in a new way is always a good start for the season. Do not try and shut people out of your life especially during this season
3. Try something different this valentine season. If you have children living with you, use this valentine period to re-assure them about your love for them.
4. Find other creative ways of spending the Valentine season. Try not to be alone especially during the first Valentine’s Day after your divorce. Here are some suggestions:
a. Attend a valentine party in a community setting. Share your memories with others.
b. You may even try something bold. Invite other friends who have been through a divorce to a valentine party.
5. Find some support in your community. Join groups of other people in your situation. Sharing your stories in such a setting will give you re-assurance that you are not alone in your struggles
6. This valentine season could actually become a season of healing for you. You need to play a part in this. You need to allow yourself to be loved again. Love is a reciprocal thing. To get love, give some away.
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